Character List

IRELAND

Hotel Death:

DANIEL O’DONNEL: Smart professional manager of Hotel Death. Authoratative and in control at work and very friendly and confident with the guests whom he is not afraid to joke with. Unfortunately in his love life he has abandonment issues and is very insecure regarding Irene, the girl he is in love with. Every girl he has had a crush on or been in love with has left him so far. Perhaps because he is too nice. Not dangerous or spontaneous enough.

QUASIMODO: The tall, broad, ugly  bell ringer from Paris who now works as a porter at hotel death. He has an addiction to bells and wears a badge identifying himself as ‘suck my bell end’.

TRACY: Super friendly and helpful receptionist at Hotel Death.

MR TAILOR: Regular guest at hotel death. His breathing problem means that he has to walk everywhere with his oxygen tank attached to him.Very positive though.

MR AND MRS GRIMSDALE: First timers at Hotel Death, but have come on a recommendation of a friend before he died. Mr Grimsdale is unconscious and laying in his bed.

MR. STEPHAN GERARD: Hypochondriac

Pubemeister Hair Salon:

IRENE CARRAGHER: Strong minded and confident owner of the Pubemeister hair salon. She is playful and flirtatious. She knows how to wrap a man around her finger. She likes Daniel, maybe even loves him but  she finds him too ‘nice’ and the village where they live too small. She dreams of adventures in faraway places.

DIEDRE: Busty blond colleague of Irene who takes great interest in her personal appearance. Friendly, but also a gossip who likes talking for talking’s sake. Man hungry, envious of Irene’s life but loyal.

CLAUDE LEMIEUX: Tall, dashing French footballer who, like Irene is an expert flirt. He is cheeky and forward. He is used to getting everything his own way and expects women to fall at his feet. He lives in the stylish Quartier Latin in Paris, in a  bachelor pad.

Restaurant

BEGGAR: Genuine down and out  who has to suffer the taunts of the public for a long time. He wants to better himself but is continually fighting against the prejudice of the public.

WAITER

WAITER ONE

Church:

PSYCHOTIC WOMAN: Long straggly gray hair and a warble voice that spits and snarls when she speaks.

GOD: Deep Darth Vader voice.

Clone Zone: 

EGIT: Owner of Clone Zone, a spare body parts shop that also does full clones.
He is a technophile. Bedhead hair, glasses and big-time consumer of coca cola. He is fidgety and talks fast.

ONE LEGGED MAN – in to buy a leg

TATTOO MAN – in to order a woman with no mouth.

OLD LADY: In to order her late husband’s clone.

FRANCE

Flirt School PARIS:
ANTOINE PUTAIN (After Quebecois dish of chips, gravy and cheese): Eccentric Frenchman who runs the Ecole’ du Seduccion in Paris on Rue Lafayette which helps people from all around the world to improve their communication skills and flirt better. He loves helping people and has a lot of success in training his flirt pupils but he is not so successful in his own love life because he loves flirting too much. Flirting is his life and that’s why he made it his vocation. Scruffy student are sent to Galeries Lafayette for a facial, haircut and manicure.

FIFI: stunning French maid assistant that administers discipline to pupils that are late or mis-behave but also helps in the role plays with Antoine and also in the observation in exercises with the pupils. She has a twinkle in her eyes with Antoine and is very comfortable with him but we don’t know if she is with him or not. She puts her hands all over the guys too in the exercises but we don’t know if that is to tempt them  or not so they will fail the class.
  
CAMERON: Paris is his second stop in Europe after Amsterdam where he spent his time looking through the yellow pages ordering takeaways from Weed Express home delivery. He is laid back, happy but a slacker and always late. He is just in Paris on the course to bed some French chicks and win the Porn Holiday.

SANDRO: He is small, dark and cockeyed. Nature has not been kind to him but he loves women like all Italians so he is on the curse to improve his skill so he can pick up a rich girl in an art gallery and get married one day soon. His mother is putting pressure on him to leave home and look after himself but he doesn’t have a job. His uses his small cuteness to win the sympathy vote.

RICHARD: Highly strung, businessman who is on the curse to pick up some tips on picking up in the street without paying for it. He has the money and looks good just lacks the time for a proper relationship. He also lacks the patience to work into the relationship slowly and enjoy it. He thinks that sex is love and that’s why nothing has ‘happened’ for him so far.

HEINRICH ROTH: He claims he is Arnold Swarzenegger's brother when he goes out. He has the muscles to  prove it and knows all his brother’s best lines off by heart. He wears lederhosen and yodels to his pick ups which makes people think he is a weirdo. He also doesn’t know his own strength and this frighten the women too.

LUPO:  Brought up in Mexico with some coyotes and a dog like manner. He goes meep meep when he sees something he likes like a beautiful woman as it reminds him of hunting for tasty road runners. This would also catch on among the young generation of film goers like a virus and would give a free viral marketing aspect to the film. I would change his name to lupo which means wolf. He has long hair and a hairy face.

MARIA: Sexy porn star that can’t get it out of her head that sex is not just for money. She enjoys meeting enjoys fronting member of the public for sex. Often refused, sometimes not. She is tired of fucking around though and would like to find some real love.

ULRIKA: Blond bombshell, green eyes, perfect figure but far too naive. She actually believes that when a man asks her back for coffee that it is actually for coffee and nothing else. She wants to learn how to play a little harder to get so that she can attract a nice Frenchman and have French babies with cute French accents. She likes Antoine and he knows it.

IVA: Russian shot put thrower who is a little too direct and stern with the guys she likes. She likes to go on top but she has smothered a few guys in the past as she only attracts weedy guys in need of protection. She wants to meet a guy who is as independent as she is. A diagnosed manic-depressive with bad teeth.

HELEN: Sweet old lady who wears too much rouge and feigns her arthritis in the back to get help from young men when she is crossing the road. She has a fetish for gay shop assistants and stalks them until they finish work, when they either run or call the police. Of course she loves a man in uniform and revels in the attention.

In the Bars and Cafes

CAMEMBERT: Quick talking, tall, dark,  handsome Parisian who is a bit of an expert and possessing the souls of those conquests he completes.

ROCK CHICK: Gothic type dressed in black and enrobed in chains in Heinrich and Cameron’s scene in rock club.

GANG MEMBER NO 1: The biggest of the group. Dressed in black jeans, leather with chains hanging from his jeans with 3  GANG MEMBERS

PRETTY WAITRESS: In the CHINA BAR with Richard and Sandro. Dressed in black and whites.

GAY BARMAN: In Maria and Helen’s Bar.

MIDDLE AGED MAN in Lafayette Café with Fifi.

ATTRACTIVE MAN in Boulevard Hausmann with Maria.

In the park

SEVERAL SUNBATHERS
MOTHER
MIDGET WOMAN
SURPRISED STRANGER
ELEGANT WOMAN
SEXY ROLLERBLADERS
TIRED MAN
GIRL IN PINK
FRENCH WOMAN (GABRIELE)
SCOTTISH TERRIER & AFRO-EUROPEAN GIRL
REDHEAD & GIRLFRIENDS

London

TOPLESS GIRL NO 1: In the Jacuzzi with Claude and 2 non speaking TOPLESS GIRLS

Wedding

PRIEST
GUESTS